Learning to Shower
by Oni No Yami Chan
Summary: Dave decides it's time to teach James how to use a modern shower. Warning: This contains crack pairings, slash, and nudity. NON-LEMON, I PROMISE. Please read the Author's Note for a short set-up.


Author's Note: Normally I would not add an author note at the beginning of a story, but this one needs it. This story is slash, but not very sexual. It is rated M for nudity and because Dave does not know how to shut up when he needs to.

This story was written for a roleplay group. I played James Norrington from Pirates of the Carribean (Dead Man's Chest) and my partner played Dave Stutler from The Sorcerer's Apprentice. They wound up becoming a couple after Dave rescued James from Long John Silver the Space Pirate (Treasure Planet). It's a very, very odd pairing, but I enjoy it and I thought this story was rather good, for as confusing as it is. Basically, James lives with Dave in his apartment, and that is about as far as their relationship has gotten by the point in the story.

So please enjoy, if you will, and if you do not like slash or crossovers or Disney non-canon pairings, then please move along.

* * *

"Ahhh... Hey, James?"

A small smile spread over the former commodore's lips at Dave's awkward sounds. He had been bustling about the apartment for a few hours now, cleaning and saying how it should have been picked up long before then, while James sat down in a big, comfy chair to read a book with Tank the Dog resting in his lap.

He scratched at the bulldog's ears and set the book in his lap, his thumb marking the page, and smiled charmingly up at the Prime Merlinian. "Yes, Dave?"

Dave made a few more nerdy sounds before crouching down next to James' chair and looking up at him tentatively. He licked his lips a few times, trying to say something but could only get out, "Why are you so hot?"

With a throaty chuckle, James leaned over and nuzzled his nose against Dave's lovingly, murmuring, "Compliment."

It was a little game the pair of them played. Since Dave had rescued James from the clutches of Long John Silver, James had been studying his new friend, and quickly noticed that Dave had little to no confidence. Once the pair of them grew closer still, eventually becoming a couple, James pointed it out rather bluntly. The solution, he suggested, was that every time James thought Dave was getting down on himself he would state, 'Compliment,' at which point Dave would have to respond with something about himself that was wonderful, amazing, or grand. In return, he would receive a kiss.

After thinking for a few moments, Dave decided to reply, "Even though I'm really awkward a lot of people find it charming," and was not disappointed as James leaned in to press his lips tenderly against his. He would have allowed the kiss to go longer, but he had to pull away and murmur, "Sorry, I... I need to ask you to do something for me and it's really awkward and it's gonna sound rude when I say it but I'm just gonna say that I think that I should teach you how to use the shower."

Squeezing his eyes shut, Dave waited for the slap he figured was going to come, but was a little surprised by the kiss he received instead, along with a small, "Okay." His eyes blinked open and he watched James slip a piece of paper in his book, gently setting it aside before prodding Tank the Dog awake and setting him on the floor so he could hoist himself up. "Well?" he asked, giving Dave a wink before heading to the bathroom.

When Dave finally managed to calm himself down enough to enter the bathroom, he was relieved to notice that James still hadn't taken his clothes off. In fact, the former commodore gave him a strange look when he entered and motioned to the tub a bit exasperated. "What is this?" he finally asked, distraught.

"It's... A bathtub," Dave answered, leaning over the tub to turn the water on and check the temperature. "Except now we tend to take showers rather than baths because baths are a breeding ground for germs since you sit in your own gross smelly bath water for..." He paused, looking over at James for a moment to see the brunet simply enthralled with the water pouring from the faucet. "A... A while..."  
James was quiet for a moment, seemingly not having heard anything Dave said, before turning his curious gaze up to the other. "Where does it come from?"

"The water?" Dave asked, furrowing his brow in thought. "The, ah... The river, I think. But that doesn't matter, I can explain about that a little later." He pulled up the tab that sent the water through the shower head instead of the faucet and glanced over at James again. "So, the water should be a good temperature. There's shampoo, conditioner, a washcloth and some soap. My suggestion is to put the soap on your hand and then the washcloth because otherwise the soap gets weird little marks in it that I don't like having to wipe out." The look on James' face told Dave he had no clue what the other was talking about. "... Oh... Do I... What..?"

Poor Dave was panicking in his mind. Was he going to have to bathe James himself?! Did he really not know how to wash himself?! What kind of world did they live in back whenever James came from?!

There was a long moment of silence from James before looking pitifully into Dave's eyes and murmuring, "Would you... Mind just taking it with me? I know that it wouldn't be proper but... but I don't think I could do it on my own."

Dave could have died right then and there. "You... You waaaah... Whaaaaat what what you want me to... Heeeeeeeeganmmmbah..." After a few more moments of these noises, Dave finally calmed down enough to give James a very, very serious look and say, "I know I've said this before but you are sexy. I'll be right back." Before James could object he rushed off and into his bedroom, tripping over Tank a few times on his way. When he came back he had a set of clothes for himself, and set them on the floor in a neat pile beside James'. "Okay. Okay, okay, we can do this," Dave chanted, wishing that his body would calm down so James wouldn't have to see an erection in the shower.

It took Dave a while to convince James that it was okay for him to take his clothes off in front of him. The poor man was terrified, he kept saying it was improper and that they shouldn't be doing this, but when Dave mentioned it was the only way James could get cleaned - and also kind of hinted that he wouldn't want to be around James if he was smelly - the other man finally gave in and undressed, nervously climbing into the tub with Dave... And slipping a little right away.

"Woah!" Dave cried, grasping one of James' hands and holding on tightly so the other wouldn't fall. "H-hey, are you okay?" he asked, cupping James' chin in his hands so he could look in his eyes.

For a long moment when their eyes met, Dave felt his heart begin to pound a bit faster and louder. He swore James could hear it. Those eyes... They had seen so many things, been through so much. And yet when they looked at Dave, it was like he was all they saw. "I'm perfectly fine," James answered, shooting him a small smile to prove his point

"I have a good-sized penis," Dave blurted out, instantly regretting it as a look of confusion and slight horror passed over James' face. "... I-it was supposed to be a compliment!" the physics nerd cried, blushing. "B-because a compliment! And I wanted a kiss, and... Gaaaaah, I wasn't trying to be creepy like thaaat!"

Seeming to finally understand what Dave was saying, James nodded and took a step forward, murmuring, "I did promise..." before pulling him into a kiss.

They were wet. And naked. And standing in a shower together.

And kissing.

"Am I dead yet?" Dave whispered when they pulled away, causing James to chuckle at his expense.

"No, not yet," the other teased, kissing his cheek for good measure before moving so Dave could grab some of the soaps and items for cleaning their bodies.

Dave sucked in a deep breath, trying not to make too many more strange noises. "Alright, uhh..." He looked back at James, at his long hair which was now flowing straight down his back because of it being wet. "... Can I... wash your hair for you?" he asked, hesitantly. "I know it's kind of a weird thing to ask, but it's... It just one of those things I've always wanted to do. Like go to the Eiffel Tower for breakfast or having an orgy with five hot girls."

Of course, saying this caused James' face to drop slightly and he almost looked angry at the comment, so Dave had to quickly add, "Those are just examples, that's not necessarily what I want! I just...! God, I said something stupid again, I should stop talking."

Once James understood fully what the other meant, he turned around, giving Dave full access to his back, and his hair as well. "Go ahead. I can't reach all of it anyway. And it might be nice, having someone wash my hair for me." He was glad he'd turned around; he could feel his face turning red the more he spoke.

With a deep breath and a few silent prayers and thank-yous to whatever sex god had sent James to him, Dave poured some shampoo into his hands and began working it into James' hair, lathering it up and washing thoughrally. "I, ah... I'm sorry that we had to do this together," he murmured into the brunet's ear. "I know it probably bothered you, especially because you're so... I mean, not to say this like a bad thing but you're really old-fashioned."

"I don't... I don't mind," James answered, blushing a little more. "I mean, I'm learning and things are getting done so I suppose I can't complain, can I?" He became a little surprised as he was led back and his head was pushed under the shower head.

"Sorry, sorry!" Dave cried when he noticed that James was panicking just a little bit. "It's okay, I'm just rinsing it out so the soap isn't there anymore!" He waited for James to relax before trying again. It worked a lot better this time, the suds flowing down James' hair and his back and...

"Ghhhhhahemadlhannn," Dave whimpered, quickly turning his eyes away.

The rest of the shower was just as erection-inducing, but lucky for Dave he found himself unable to get it up. Maybe he was getting pre-mature erectile dysfunction from wearing those old man shoes all the time.

The pair of them sat down in the living room, James sitting on the couch between Dave's outstretched legs so Dave could towel-dry his long, curled hair. "It's cute and all, but it's a bitch to take care of," Dave noted, setting aside the wet towel for a comb so James' hair wouldn't get knotted. "Have you ever considered cutting it?"

"I have, but I really don't think it would look good," James answered, wincing slightly as Dave hit a knot. Dave murmured a small 'sorry' as he carefully picked it out. "I'd rather keep it long, even if it's a pain." He pulled Dave's red hoodie a little tighter around himself, shivering a bit as the cool air in the apartment hit his wet hair.

Dave gave James' neck a small kiss as he finished brushing, setting the utensil aside in favor of pulling his boyfriend in to rest against his chest. "Are you cold? I can turn the heat up," he offered, yawning a little and resting one hand behind his head and the other on James' chest.  
Rolling over in Dave's arms, James peered up at the other man for a few moments before smiling a little and shaking his head. "No. I think you'll keep me quite warm on your own." As Dave's face lit up and he began making those little sounds again, James sighed in content and let his eyes slip closed, frankly enjoying the sound of Dave's confused ramblings. It made him feel safe. And loved.


End file.
